Love and Other Drugs

My name is Bienaime, which is French for well loved. Shout-out to my parents for not calling me Pius, SosPeter, Paul etc. I just feel it would have seriously affected my turnover as far as the other gender is concerned. My name is testament to the myth that names beget people, and what you call your child is what it becomes. All my life I have only looked to be loved. I’ve been a performer for as far as I can remember. Growing up a lastborn I always wanted the spotlight (shit!!!! I can’t believe the number of times the letter ‘I’ is already used in this post).

Years later all this has come to pass. (God is Faithful) I have a successful music career with an amazing band of equally blessed individuals. Sauti Sol is a MANBAND, and rightfully so we sell emotions to people, especially women. An emotion that lacks manual or formula, an emotion called love. It has taken me a while to realize that for the longest time I never really understood what I was singing about when I said nikikuwaza usiku silali (when I think of you I can’t sleep). Maybe I was too young for it or I genuinely hadn’t felt this emotion. Kinda like Michael Jackson singing about it at seven years old; but I guess my innocence drove the message home.

My blessing of a name is indeed also my curse. I have this condition commonly known as serial monogamy (coach Kavutha’s diagnosis); where I’m constantly in or transitioning through relationships due to my thirst for constant affection from a woman. I just don’t know how to be single or how to enjoy solitude; and its pissing me off because right about now I feel needy; need to always want to be with another. Nothing sexual by the way, just companionship. (Well, I know you don’t believe me but if you’re going to keep reading my posts you have to trust me) so in the attempt to fall in love I kissed many frogs.

I’ve been in love only once in my 26 years of breath. She was the sweetest thing ever (well of course before I screwed it up big-time with my then cheating /boyish ways) I have since become a man and a lot on that end has changed. We however mended fences and are cool to this date (at least I feel so) our relationship was founded on all the right things. We were friends first, then lovers. We knew each other for around five months until one day I realized I miss her more than usual and the rest is history. She wouldn’t let me touch or kiss her until we were official. And when I eventually did I felt butterflies. Sweet huh!!!!

There after I’ve been in situationships. I call them so because they lack the basic friendship foundation and dive deep into a rollercoaster of emotional steroids. We meet and I start hitting on you on the spot. Then we hang out a couple of times later, do the deed on repeat basis and one day you introduce me as your boyfriend and I don’t mind how it sounds. Then we start to realize we lack common interests. That I fart loudly in my sleep and it pisses you off. Basically we come to the realization that besides great sex we speak different languages of life. I’m a Jazz-head you’re a Trap-head, I talk events you talk people. But at this point we’ve invested so much in it that when one person cuts loose it ends up hurting the other pretty badly.

Unfortunately my career makes it very hard for me to meet genuine people for love interests. I just can’t ask a chic out on a date without her anticipating me to bust a move. Some simply say no because of pre-sets in their mind telling them I’m a hit n run!!! (Your loss) I’ve stopped looking for love in all the wrong places. I’ve taken a step back to re-examine myself and hopefully in my quest for greatness the universe will align me with someone who compliments/completes me. For now, I just want to know your name and maybe sometime we could hook up, hangout just chill. (musicsoulchild).


33 thoughts on “Love and Other Drugs

  1. You’re title alone reminds me of a movie I love…

    A thought… since you feel the need to constantly feel well loved, how about before you indulge in wanting to be loved, you love yourself. Not the vain, I love myself kind of propaganda we spread as a way to diverge the truth, I mean genuinely truly hinestly falling in love with yourself. Then everything shall fall into place… just a thought.


  2. reading HEmotions by TD Jakes. Its making me realize why I had random issues with Chics. Turns out that I didn’t have a great relationship with my earthly it when you get the chance.Am now university aligned (by Jesus Christ) with a great wife/best friend/partner…….e.t.c. 🙂

  3. I can see the Journalism you learnt wasn’t a waste, good piece. Love is complicated, or rather we complicate it. I cannot tell you one thing that will guide you in the right step to find love because we are all different and we take different paths to find it. Don’t feel bad about always wanting someone to love and vice versa. It’s human nature and a need we constantly want to fill. Taking a step back and trying to sort yourself first is definitely the best way in my opinion. When you love and respect yourself that kind of love will also be attracted to you.

    Your love will come when the time is right. I know its pretty hard especially since you’ve become so big in the industry, but in the midst of those ratchet mama’s there is always a diamond in the rough. But be prepared when she comes your way…..

    All the best, and continue writing. You may discover so many things about yourself you didn’t know…


  4. Hy Bien…..take time to recover as you learn yourself and what you what with the next relationship. You have what it takes from what you write and learnt your lesson. D’nt beat yourself up about it,walk head high and be sure she is somewhere or even right in front of you. Time is a true healer,so dnt worry she will come coz life always offers a second chance.

  5. Yes like people say, maybe you should deal with whatever demon is making you so needy for companionship that you would throw away what you have called a good thing. And let’s hope you and your ex girl are cool enough for her to not mind being part of your public story. Unless you asked her for permission to share your joint past. If she was as awesome as you say maybe something is wrong for you to act that way, and keep acting that way even now. You say you’ve “man-ed up” but it’s not so different. “Situationships” sounds like looseness. Some people have mentioned daddy issues. Is it possible? Is it selfishness? Think about it and love yourself and mend yourself before you hurt yourself and others.

  6. I LOVE this piece Bien 🙂
    … so many of us fear solitude, but the The whole value of solitude depends upon oneself; it may be a sanctuary or a prison, a haven of repose or a place of punishment, a heaven or a hell, as we ourselves make it.

  7. Awesome piece Bien. I love your coined word *situationships*. Stop looking for the love of your life. She will be waiting when you continue doing the things you love. You will be surprised 😉

  8. Reblogged this on Gloria Mangi's Blog and commented:
    I am reblogging this post not just because I am a HUGE fan of the group Sauti Sol or because I have quite a few fantasies of private concerts and featuring on their “Nisheke” video (hotness overload)! No! I am reblogging this post because everything Bien said resonated with my being, as if he took my thoughts and feelings and emotions and conveyed it in this post ( but his of course being the male version).
    I find love to be a simple emotion, however we as soulish beings complicate it and mud it up and then say it is complicated. I find that when we stop “looking for love” love finds us. Love hasn’t yet found me but like Beinaime I am taking a step back and letting myself breath!

  9. Awwww,look at you gettin’ all mushy!! 😛

    But yeah your right,it is not your job to look for love.It is love’s job to find you when time is right.And when it does,you’ll know it.Afterall,it’s better to be alone than to be in a situationship.

  10. Hey Bienaime, you are Such a lovely person (well, your name already suggests it..) and this post has touched me in a weird way (.. Or I’m just too emotional..)
    Despite people seeing you and/or assuming that you have girls wrapped around your fingers ( all the concerts where girls are over- screaming … Me included since I kinda have my own reality show called “keeping up with the Sauti sol ) you might have actual feelings ..hehe
    All the best! And I wish you more and more Love! Ciao

  11. I love this piece, the honesty in it. It feels like its Spoken from the heart, frankly That is what most people look for nowadays, be true and everything else falls into place.

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